I hope you find someone who speaks your language so you don’t have to spend a lifetime translating your spirit.
Happy New Year folks! Excuse the super late greetings but…Life!
Finding time for self-care and to do the things I enjoy doing like writing were hard enough as a stay-at-home-mom, but even more difficult now that I’m working full-time. If you’ve been following my journey through this blog, you know that 2018 was a pretty crazy year for me in terms of finding my footing after several years out of the workforce and living abroad. I’m still on the struggle bus when it comes to finding balance and a routine – but as I continue to work through it, I remain grateful for my victories and the victories to come.
Speaking of victories – I recently had an amazing text chat with my best friend Yolande, about 2019 being the year we celebrate ourselves more, leaving haters and trash people to marinate in their misery without us, how time and maturity are teaching us to celebrate the success of others – and how we deserve to have people in our lives who shower us with the same ratings and praise we give them.
With her permission, I’m sharing our conversation as a reminder to ourselves and to anyone else who may need it, to continue stepping into greatness – whatever that may be for you.
P.S. If you don’t have a Yolande in your life, you’re seriously missing out! We been on our Oprah and Gayle for years and there are no signs of our bestie greatness slowing down any time soon. I’ve known Yolande since high school and she is one of my greatest blessings. We have weathered many storms together and celebrated many triumphs too. I can honestly say that because of the person she is I was able to grow into the friend that I am today. She played a crucial role in helping me become a better person and I have deep gratitude for being able to meet someone who understands me, supports me and gives me the kind of grace that she does. There are very few people I have been able to connect with the way I connect with her. I’m excited to share a little piece of us with you all.
Note: This is a copy and paste of our actual text conversation.
Yolande: I know I say this every year, but for real, for real, I am on my trash reduction game for 2019. I feel it at some deep levels. I don’t have the patience anymore despite being a “career diplomat” as my family sometimes calls me.
Nissa: Basically. I have the same feeling, to be honest.
Yolande: Yesssuh!! #twins. It’s not even fully me deciding to step over waste people with no remorse. It’s literally like I can feel my spirit rising up or something…We about to roll out!! #twistersisters
Nissa: Yes ma’am! And celebrating my own damn self more!
Yolande: I saw a comment from a random person on this YouTube video I watched the other day that had me all in my feelings. They said: I’m giving up things that disrupt my peace and things that are not part of God’s/the universe’s plan for me…Preeeeaaaaachhh!
Yolande: Some of these things include toxic, unhealthy behaviours and relationships… As the saying goes, water attracts its own level. I’mma stay at my level and cherish those that meet it and exceed it. No more trying to force my river to level off at another person’s stream, for the sake of history.
Nissa: But we must be doing something right for folks to be so bothered and in their feelings that they can’t even acknowledge the glow up. #staymad
Yolande: Right!? If me being great makes you feel some type of way, take that up with your spirit sis…That thing we’re doing right is trying to live life on our own terms. It makes people very uncomfortable.
Nissa: And quite frankly, I’m done smalling myself down for people!
Yolande: I remind myself that just because I’ve known some people for a long time doesn’t mean I’m meant to know them for a lifetime.
Nissa: We’re always expected to celebrate and be happy for the wins of others, but the same folks be coming with the weak congrats and acknowledgments if any at all when we’re accomplishing things. I’m over it.
Yolande: We need to be around people who will big us up when we are falling into patterns of self-minimizing and doubt, and want us to flower into the expansiveness of our earthly experience.
Nissa: You better preach this word on a Sunday! Come through with that fire quotable bish!
Yolande: You being great makes me better. Why would I want to tamp down on that?
Nissa: Right!? Don’t be mad, be inspired hoes!
Yolande: Yes! This is something I have actively worked on, with other women in particular, for a while. I wouldn’t say I never felt bitter or covetous of another person’s successes but I definitely looked at myself critically at times when seeing dope things other women were doing. So I’ve been committing myself to inspiration, not hateration and life is much better. Still a work in progress but worth the effort.
Nissa: Same here girl! I absolutely had to work on this with other women as far as not comparing and/or seeing myself as trash because I’m not at xyz place in my life. I’m STILL actively working on it, but I’m much more aware of when I’m falling into that thought process that I’m able to stop myself and re-direct my energy. I now can say that I genuinely feel happy and inspired by the success and wins of other women in particular.
I’ve also realized and observed that you can have less material possessions, have less financially and be doing “less” career-wise, and folks will STILL be jealous and/or envious. So it ain’t even about all of the worldly possessions. It’s my spirit and essence that they mad at. How I move through the world. And that’s where my success lies…And it makes people who place such high value on appearances and titles and money big mad when none of that defines you or dictates your happiness.
Yolande: If you don’t deliver this message today! Preaccchhh!
Especially when said people are deeply unhappy with all that they have, and seeing you living a life that you love despite “having less.” – It calls into question their priorities and choices in ways they would rather not surface.
Nissa: Say that!
Yolande: So then you become “a bit too much” or “too intense” or too whatever the adjective of the day is, that makes them feel comfortable hating.
Yolande: These days I’m like, aren’t you tired? Of all the fronting, profiling and running away from yourself? Don’t you want to feel the reward of working towards liberation? Yes, it’s hard, and you will be misunderstood by some folks, but I can’t imagine that it’s any harder than living a life that doesn’t serve you or who you truly are.
Nissa: Exactly. What is life if you aren’t working towards the above? Like, I’m trying to overcome pathologies and bad karma so I can move into my next life a freer person. When people talk about mediocrity and lack of ambition, in my mind the mediocrity lies in not dealing with those deeper pathologies and patterns that don’t serve us and hold us back from living authentically. Someone not wanting to climb corporate and/or social ladders is not mediocre or lacking ambition. To me, true mediocrity and laziness is the unwillingness to self-examine, be accountable, and actively take steps to do better and be better as a human. – And I’m not knocking wanting to excel in those external ways, but since most people are still unhappy despite accomplishing those things and still hungry despite the abundance of sustenance available, it’s clearly not the way to absolute contentment.
Yolande: *lays down all the mics and speakers* You need to quote and share that!
Yolande: Besides which, when we focus on building our true selves that’s when we often see the material abundance or success that we were chasing before…The Iyanla Vanzant’s of the world are rich precisely because of who they are, not in spite of that.
Thanks for coming to our TED talk y’all!
What are your personal goals for 2019?
Apologize to your body. Maybe that’s where the healing begins. ~Nayyirah Waheed…27 January 2019